Saturday, 1 December 2012
The Accolades Just Keep Coming....
Ok, I'd never heard of this Liebster thing until my good friend Penelope over at Naughty Little Writer had been nominated for it (yay, Penelope!) and then had the generosity of spirit (she is very generous, especially with her paddle) to nominate moi, in turn.
The idea is that you are supposed to volunteer 11 (why 11??) quick little facts about yourself, and then answer questions submitted by the nominator. Now, I confess I was a little reticent at first - after all, who cares what color underwear I might wear, or if I refuse to touch door handles in public washrooms? (which is just good common sense, BTW) However, Penny instructed me to bend over and cough up, and I have discovered it is best not to disobey her when she is in that frame of mind (and I am in that position).
So, I am going to hide behind the excuse of only being properly obedient while actually engaging in a shameless bout of self-indulgence:
When I ask my cat if I've ever told her how cute she is, I wait for a response. Someday, she might just surprise me.
I once tied the world record for snatching pennies off my own forearm. 43 at once. It took 14 attempts. I was trying for 44 coins, but dropped one. I think the record has been surpassed long since.
Ironically, I hate seeing coins on the floor - almost as much as I HATE those little plastic I-ties they put in every item of clothing you buy.
Just for fun, I once visited a psychic. He told me he foresaw a catastrophe ahead for me. That was seven years ago. Despite his warning, I have not spontaneously combusted. Yet.
I have melissophobia - no, that is not fear of girls named Melissa (though that is pretty scary, too). It is the fear of bees, wasps, etc. Once, in London, I saw an ORANGE bumblebee. (Shudder) I now think of that city as the dominion of mutant freak bees, and have not been back since.
My favorite female name is Sarah. Every Sarah I've ever met has been an absolute sweetheart.
Speaking of names, I once had a pet bat named Oliver.
Nothing in this world makes me angrier than cruelty to animals...... unless they are wasps or freakishly tinted bumblebees.
I have never read a book by Dostoyevsky. This has not been easy to do. Nor have I read a book by Ayn Rand. That was easy.
I've long suspected that dogs can read my mind.
UPDATE: This morning (this is absolutely true), when I said 'good morning' to the cat, she looked up at me and uttered a brief little squawk eerily similar to 'hi'.
Patience pays off.
OK. So if you've managed to stick with this so far, you might as well go the distance. Here are Penny's questions for me to answer:
What is your most relaxing place?
I'd have to say a private little spot underneath a very droopy willow tree along the shoreline where I go to read on Sunday summer afternoons. I could be more specific, but, as I say, it's MY spot.
At what age did you give or get your first spanking?
The earliest spanking that I remember was in grade 3, so I was 7 or 8. Miss Redden (no one will likely believe me, but I swear to God that was really her name) hauled me out of my desk and spanked me in front of the whole class.
Is there a piece of music or scene in a film guaranteed to make you cry?
I wanted to cry watching Robert de Niro in 'Awakenings'. Brutal. But I want to happy-cry at the point in Alistair Sims' 'Scrooge' when he says 'Can you forgive a pig-headed old fool for having no eyes to see with, nor ears to hear with all these years?' to the background tune of 'Barbara Allen'.
What was the last thing you went to a fancy dress party as?
You mean a costume party? I made a weird alien head with ski goggle lenses for eyes. I didn't get laid that night. No one even talked to me.
Do you ever look at complete strangers and imagine them in a kinky situation?
Are you kidding? I can hardly look at a seated, attractive woman anywhere without picturing myself over her knee.
What one foodstuff tree would you want to find on a desert island?
A chocolate-covered espresso bean tree.
If you could go back in time to your schooldays, but have them in the sort of harsh school common in kinky fiction, and with your adult mind, would you?
You're kidding me again, right? Um - sorry, don't mean to sound cheeky. I mean - yes, indeed, Ma'am!
Ever locked yourself out and broken into your own house?
I have! When I was about 14 or so. I had to pry open a dining room window to crawl back in.
Which would you rather win: a trip into space or a spanking machine?
Sad for a spanko to admit it, but I would take the space trip.............unless the spanking machine was an android replica of Laura Petrie. Then I'd program it to take me to the moon.
What was the worst job you ever had?
I spent a summer planting trees on reclaimed land. Doesn't sound so bad, until you add in the blackflies, horseflies, mosquitoes, and bees.
How would you describe yourself in one word?
Bipedal. Or Non-combustible (hopefully)
Well, you made it to the end, and now know everything about me not really worth knowing. But I would be ingracious if I did not thank Penny for her nomination.